“Yaakov lived in the land of Egypt seventeen years …” (Bereishis 47:28)
Parshas Vayechi relates the blessings and reproach that Yaakov gave to his children before he left this world.
Rashi comments that Parshas Vayechi is “closed,” i.e. it lacks the nine-letter spacing that usually divides the previous parsha from the next one. Our sages explain that this is so because when Yaakov Avinu intended to reveal the end of the exile, it was “closed” to him, and he was unable to do so.
R’ Nissim Yagen asks: What was the objection to allowing the Tribes to acquire this information from Yaakov, to whom it was known?
He compares the situation to a servant who requests his master, the king, to allow him to reveal the location of his emancipation papers to his children when he nears death, so that they could be freed. However, when the time comes and the servant gathers his children, the king joins the meeting. The servant then changes his mind and admonishes his offspring to remain loyal servants and to honor the king, as he has done all the years.
Similarly, when Yaakov wanted to reveal to his children when the exile would end, Hashem appeared and said to him: “You called your children together, but you didn’t call Me.” When Yaakov Avinu saw Hashem, he reversed his plan, and instead instructed his children to serve Hashem with love and loyalty.
What is the reason for Hashem’s criticism of Yaakov that he did not “call” Him? Doesn’t Hashem fill the entire world with His holiness, as we say in Kedusha?
Hashem’s grievance with Yaakov was that he was trying to make the exile easier for his children. When you are ready to leave this world it is not your charge to make things easier, was the argument. How would it benefit the children to have that information? Rather, in these exalted moments when Yaakov Avinu’s soul was preparing to return to Heaven, it was Yaakov’s mission to educate his children how to survive the exile and most ably meet its challenges. It was imperative that Yaakov teach his children how to properly serve Hashem. During these moments, Yaakov should have been devoted to reproaching and guiding his children so that they could walk in the ways of Hashem and come closer to Him, as Yaakov had done throughout his life.
It is following this revelation, that Yaakov Avinu girded himself and with renewed vigor rebuked his children and gave them his blessings that they cling to Hashem.
The honor of Heaven, kvod Shamayim, is our foremost concern at all times, and unique occasions of simcha and emotion are especially fortuitous times to forge and develop this connection.
Our sages teach us maaseh avos siman l’banim – the deeds of the parents have implications for the children. Although children are affected by many outside influences, their own parents can still have a major impact on the way they live their lives. Spiritual and religious moments are especially favorable opportunities to effect a positive result.
The Shabbos table provides an excellent setting to impart instruction. When the family experiences Shabbos meals that have a spiritual flavor, it leaves a lifetime of positive impressions. This is a time to give children a chance to articulate their thoughts, to share a dvar Torah, tell a story, or sing a song.
Times of prayer are effective teaching moments. When the parent prioritizes tefillah by praying with fervor and devotion and davening with a minyan, the images becomes etched in the minds of his children, and they will follow his example as they mature.
Our middos and refined behavior at all times provide our children with a model to emulate in life. Husbands and wives may have disagreements; but the tone of their conflict, their respect for each other, and the ultimate ability to forgive and move on, has a major impact on young minds. Often a couple challenged with problems in shalom bayis refer to what they saw in their own home or echo their own family’s attitudes and convictions.
The sefarim state that one should be especially attentive to his children when they wake up in the morning – before they leave for the day – and when they go to sleep at night. Children need to have a feeling of security and closeness and these two points in their day are crucial times for the wellbeing of the child.
A girl in distress had become so troubled that she would rarely leave the house. Her perplexed parents consulted many professionals but they were unable to help. When someone suggested they visit the great taddik of Vishnitz who could surely help them, either with his advice or blessing, they immediately set out on the long trip with their daughter. Their arrival coincided with a special gathering of chassidim from throughout Eastern Europe for that Shabbos, so when they approached the gabbai for an appointment to see the tzaddik he explained that this was the most difficult time of year to gain an audience with the Rebbe. The gabbai recommended that they wait.
Since the girl had reluctantly accompanied them to see the Rebbe, the family remained over Shabbos to ensure that they would eventually see the Rebbe. Having heard that the Rebbe’s mother lived in the city and was also a saintly woman, the mother decided to pay her a visit on Shabbos. Heartbroken, the tears began to stream down the mother’s face as she related all the details concerning her daughter, while the Rebbe’s mother attentively listened. She then suggested that the family wait one more day.
On Motzoei Shabbos it was the Rebbe’s custom to stop off at his mother’s home after Maariv to wish her a good week. When he came that week, he found his mother sitting deep in thought. He wished her “a gut voch” but she did not respond. Thinking she had not heard, he repeated the “gut voch,” but again she didn’t answer.
His mother’s good wishes meant everything to the Vishnitzer Rebbe. “Why aren’t you answering?” he asked with concern. “Is everything okay?”
The Vishnitzer Rebbe’s mother than broke her silence and said, “A family with an urgent need has been patiently waiting to gain an audience with you. As soon as you meet with them I will give you my blessing for a gut voch.”